mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
