remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
