So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
