It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
