they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
