You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
