What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
