He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
