12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
