Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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