Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.