Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.