if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?