there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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