I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
