i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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