It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
