that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
