Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
