some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
