Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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