Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Someone shit on the floor
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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