We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
