Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
