the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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