I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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