dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
