Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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