It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
