we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
