He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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