moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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