I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
