Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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