i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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