I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
