Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
