we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
