Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I pour the whiskey from now on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
