I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
