Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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