I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
