You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
