My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
