there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
