Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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