he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
