Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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