im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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