why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
