He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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