I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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