At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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