please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
