It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize