please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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