Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
