If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
