honey bunches of taint.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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