I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
