I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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