I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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